feeling excited

Wahhh! It's really gonna happen. I'm going to Florida with my family and the bf in the first week of July. Yay!!! At least I have the plane tickets and the lodging booked. We'll worry about the park tickets later or perhaps when we get there. But it's quite awesome. >.< AAAnd I was also able to land work...for at least a month. =) At least I'll have some income coming in. Even if it might be for only a month. I miss work terribly. The people there were so nice. I miss my friends. Also, I have been asked to be in a cotillion for my friend's debut. We haven't learned very much of the dance yet but I am excited. I'm also dancing hawaiian for her debut as well. Haha, I finally have a good way to get back into shape. Alright, exercise! The weather has been nice and hot these past few days. I can't wait for my birthday!!! XD I wanna have a celebration when I get back from Florida. Drinking/sleepover party anyone?

Out of work with nothing to do but VEG

Geez. I've only been out of work for little more than a week and I am already missing it. I only worked Wednesdays and Fridays but I actually looked forward to working than I did going to school. =S [weird...] Now, I am currently unemployed. I hate that word. It means I am currently looking for work and still haven't found any. You know what that means? I'm SOL as one of my profs said once. SHIT OUTTA LUCK. But perhaps I am being a tad pessimistic. Perhaps. I did go online and look at some job postings and apply for those. I just didn't realize how boring my own house could be. Sure, I could watch T.V. all day, raid my fridge, go on the computer and watch my dramas or read my mangas. But that can only get me so far. I could even clean...which I probably will end up doing. So now I am sitting at my computer, eating room temperature Lychee Pudding and bitching about how I don't have a job. For Goodness' Sake! Somebody save me from the boredom.

Good times...[*sigh]

Okay, so I am waaay overdue for a new entry. I should have blogged straight after the visit to Hamilton. However, I am lazy. [Bite me =P] So visiting Hamilton really did rock! Marco and I met up with Justin at Chapters and then we were off to Hamilton! The funniest thing though was Justin's mom getting into a fight with a random stranger who could've gotten us killed. Seriously Justin, your mom is the greatest >.< [Edit: What the F? Somehow what I had typed here before suddenly disappeared, so now I have to type it all over again. >=(] The first thing we did when we got to Hamilton was unload the car. Then we explored Justin's house and made fun of his extremely nerdy room. Haha, Justin =P Then I took out my camera and started snapping pictures of Justin's humble abode. We soon got hungry and since none of us were willing to step into the blistering heat, we opted to make our own food. That was freaking awesome! We made the best pasta, home-made garlic bread and grilled shrimp...made of love and friendship. Since we still had time to kill before Justin's class, we decided to Youtube. WHO DOESN'T YOUTUBE WHEN THEY ARE BORED? Pretty soon we had to drop Justin off at his class, and what did Marco and I do? We went on an expedition of Mac only to find ourselves in the library, signed up for a guest user account and watching asian dramas and big bang videos. >.< [kyaaaaa I love Big Bang! <3] ONLY US, MARCO. Only us. And then walking back from Mac to Justin's house was really nice. It was a beautiful, clear night and there were so many stars out. I still remember our talk about how the sun is middle-aged right now and still has another 5 billion years until it expands into a Red Giant. But before that we had a bubbletea run [of course] and we were like the only people in the store. We did so many things in Hamilton and yet I found myself wishing I was back at that house bugging/annoying Justin. But I remembered that I had voice lessons and that I needed to go because I have an exam coming up. I will go back and visit again, though. Maybe we'll kidnap Aaron from Calgary and drag him along with us too. Yes! The original fourth-spare crew reunited under one roof again! Reunited and it feels so good... [*sigh] If only... I miss you guys.

I feel better today

This is pretty funny. I blog more often than I check Facebook. That is new. It's been a while since I checked any site regularly. I feel better today. I went out and rented movies. One was 27 Dresses and the other was P.S. I Love You. The latter of the two moved me to tears. Within the first 5 minutes of the movie I cried from the lines that Gerard Butler spoke with such passion. [*sigh] It was a scene where he and Hilary Swank's character were fighting and she was telling him to leave if he wanted to. He asked her to tell him what it is that she wanted. He said, "I know what I want, because I have it right here in my hands...I wake up everyday wanting to do the same thing which is to see your face.". Almost instantaneously there were tears in my eyes. His words pulled at my heart. I actually forgot to breathe at that part. The rest of the movie was pretty much the same. His words were full of warmth, compassion and most of all love. The whole movie was really moving, especially towards the end. I cried pretty hard there. What a movie! I think I might actually cry if I watched it again. It was so beautiful.

???

I'm not sure how to describe how I feel. I just I know I am uncertain about some things.
I've never been able to shake this feeling. I've only been able to suspend it, if that makes any sense. The only thing I know is that: I have to stay positive. I have to believe in myself. And I have to continue believing in him. I can't stop when I am so close to happiness.

distractions...

I suddenly had a flash of what my summer will mostly consist of. I will be spending endless hours watching asian dramas. [*gasp] This is it. [*gulp] I have become a drama freak. It's true. It's my drug and I have become a fiend for it. But, why asian dramas you ask? I enjoy watching dramas in a different language because it's fun to learn new languages. Okay, so I might also be reading a lot this summer too. [Sue me =P] Well, I honestly don't really care for porn, like some of my friends seem to be fond of. To put it simply, it's an escape. For a few hours, I forget about the insecurities I have about myself. I don't have to think about the stress I am or will be under soon enough. I don't have to concentrate on my life. I can watch someone else worry about their insecurities. I can empathize with their feelings about love, about life. I can relate to similar situations in my life. But most of all, [and this part is kind of sad] I can live vicariously through the characters on the screen/in the pages. I am angry when bad things happen to good characters. I am excited when characters are infatuated. And I get goosebumps when characters fall in love and portray it so well my heart hurts from the envy. There's something about good-looking people and the things they go through in their lives that just ensnares me and holds me captive, as if I have no choice. Obviously, I'm aware that I do. I just choose to ignore it. =) That aside, as soon as it ends, I'm reminded that it was just a momentary distraction to enable me to procrastinate from coming back to reality. Not that reality is bad at all. Just sometimes, I would prefer to immerse myself in fictional stories about characters who bear similarities to me, but have experienced worse. This way, when I do have to come back from my Neverland, I am also reminded that things could be much worse. Also, I come to be grateful that I am not in those situations which some of the characters I read about get into. That's the great thing about fictional stories. I get to live through these characters without having to experience what they do. But hey, I'm not sadistic. I leave that to Justin. =P [*sigh] Yup, I'm addicted. But it's a hell of a lot better than drugs. Trust me. Although, I do confess to another addiction. It's just, this other addiction is one I'm going to be stuck with for a while. I don't need drug-induced hallucinations when I have him. He's all I need.

Hey, look over there,
It's a distraction!
Just kidding! =P

productive day

Today was pretty productive considering I didn't do much. I was woken up by my sister to go to a mass which was being held at St. Marcellinus for my deceased Aunt. So we went but we were late thanks to my sister. I swear she is the one that woke me up too. Then I went home and slept again. Then I woke up at 11:00 am and fed C.C. - I have to do it or else the poor thing would starve. Then I mostly did laundry the whole day. I also cleaned my room and the bathroom. Yeah, I know I didn't do much but I'm pretty tired. Yay, work tomorrow. Later days.

New change

I felt it was time for a change of the layout. I will add my links list at another time. I think it's time for a change. Lately, I have not made the wisest decisions. I messed up in school, my biggest priority. I couldn't concentrate properly in the second semester. I was not stable during that semester. I really don't like some of the choices I've made within the last few months. I was never this lazy. I really let myself down this year. Sure, I could complain that the courses were pretty tough this semester. But, I could also have put in more effort this semester as well. I want to put it right again. I want to get back on track. I cannot afford to fail again. I miss my friends. It seems like everyone is so busy except for me. I have too much time on my hands. Too much time to reflect on what I've done and wallow in self pity. But it's time for that to stop. I cannot dwell on the past, no matter how stupid/foolish my actions were. I can only change the future ahead of me. I need to find myself some work for the summer. I also need to study hard for my voice exam. That is the one place I can excel the most. I need to get my act together again. I will do it. I know I can. I owe myself that much. I know it sounds weird but I feel like I'm finding myself again. It feels like I'm starting over and I actually feel optimistic about it. I really hope this works out for the best.

my newest obsession...

I found out about this book recently. It is called Twilight and I found out today that it was published in 2005 and that the author already published the sequel as well. Anyway, I am just anxiously awaiting the launch of the feature film. Ahhhh [squeals*] I cannot wait!!! The guy who played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter, Robert Pattinson will be playing Edward Cullen in Twilight the movie. [drools*] He actually looks like the person I imagined Edward to be. I expected Bella to be a little more plain looking but Kristen portrays her a lot better I think. For those of you who have not read Twilight, it is a tale of two star-crossed lovers. A modern day Romeo and Juliet of sorts. A human and a vampire fall in love but it is dependent upon Edward to control his lust for her blood. Only her blood smells so incredibly delicious to him. He equates it to the aroma of a fine wine. He could kill her in any moment, but he struggles to keep control of himself. Meanwhile, Bella would rather not leave him alone. It's a thrilling romance. I borrowed the book from a new friend I made, Susan. I plan to read the sequel soon...after my last exam. I swear I finished Twilight in 2 days. That is, I read a little over 500 pages in 2 days. I couldn't believe it myself. Strangely enough, I didn't find any part the least bit boring. You know how sometimes, when you read a book, there is a part in the plot where it kind of slows down and the main character does not experience anything too eventful? Not in this book. Even when I thought nothing interesting would happen at some parts, I was pleasantly surprised. It is a great read and I would recommend it to anyone who loves a little bit of the supernatural in their stories. I am a big fan of fiction myself. And now, I am a huge fan of this novel and am excited for the saga to continue. I'm sooo impatient. I've been watching little behind the scenes clips of the movie. I'm quite impressed with the cast they got to play the parts. They even have the guy from Never Back Down, Cam Gigandet who is playing the villain, James. I can't even concentrate on the exam I have coming up because of this book. [sigh*] Edward is just so dreamy. I know its weird to love fictional characters. But he just does what he does so well. But I must be off to bed now. Goodnight =)

I like it rough

I like doing things the hard way. I don't know why, but all my life it has always been like that. Maybe I have something to prove? I feel like such a dumbass. I f*ked up my last assignment for STATS and then I neglected to hand in my last set of labs for ACCOUNTING. Shit. Now I have to work my ass off to get a decent grade in these classes. Okay, I exaggerate a little, but come on! I should have been working hard from the beginning. I had more time than I say I did. It's just that I chose to go clubbing and partying rather than doing the work I should have been doing. Resulting in last minute scrambling to finish stuff up. That means: lost sleep, lack of food and thus lack of ability to concentrate. Now I feel screwed for school.

I FELL OFF THE BUS.

It's time to get back on.

In another sense, I like to be rough...physically. It doesn't make any sense because I'm a nice girl. At least that is the impression I give off to people when I meet them. Do I look like I could stand my ground in a fight? Surely, I would lose, no? But, tell me why the thought of being wrestled to the ground excites me? I don't know. There is something exhilirating about being pinned to the floor where resistance is just futile, so you have no choice but to give in. No choice but to succumb to someone's will...especially if it's someone you love. It's great fun. Haha, but don't get me wrong. I'm not looking to be raped. Even though it sounds like I would enjoy it, believe me, I WOULDN'T. I only enjoy rough play when its with someone I love, naturally.

I saw Drillbit Taylor last night with Jay-R and I developed a crush on the bully. Oh, I was becoming so flustered during the movie. The bully excited me. Especially when he took off his sweater and fighting music came on. *SIGH*...[drools] But, I didn't mean to make you feel like you have to have bulging muscles to get my attention. You already have it. I just get excited about fighting. Like I said before, I like it rough. I will admit that I enjoy the wrestling matches we have a bit too much. Even when it doesn't amount to anything more than that. *SIGH* I am a funny girl. Silly girl, nice girls don't play rough. So...does that make me a bad girl?

OKAY. I'm stopping here. Try to ignore the last paragraph. I think I just need to jump again. LOL

Later, gators

drowning... and scheming >=)

Well ladies and gents, it's that time again. Yep, that's right. It's CRUNCH time for the university/college students. Or as I like to call it, it's the time to

JUMP ON THE BIG ASS WAGON OF EDUCATION AND HOPE TO GOD YOU DON'T FALL OFF.

I swear I feel like I'm submerged under water and some prick is holding my head down in the water. I'm struggling to get back up and I'm gasping for air but it's not quite enough to sustain my life. I just end up swallowing more water. Now, I'm at the point where I'm losing the energy to fight and slowly...losing...consciousness. BUT that's just me. Don't worry. I'm not ready to give up just yet. I'm gonna give it my best.

In other news, I've come up with a little plan. You might call me crazy...possibly, but it's way more fun to be crazy than it is to be "normal". Anyways, I'm proud of myself for thinking of it. I'm 110% sure, it will be a success. In a way, I hope this will show off a more mature side of me. I certainly feel like I have grown from it. Hahaha, I just can't help but laugh because I know whoever is reading this is confused as hell right now. Well...too bad. I won't tell. =P

It's business time...you know why? Because...I'm wearing my business socks...Oh baby!
It's business, it's business time!
(btw, those ^ are lyrics from the song Business Time by Flight of the Concords)

But, it really is time to get down to business. It's time to start my article analysis. Yay!

take a bow

These are the lyrics for Rihanna's new song Take a bow. I'm in love with this song.

How about a round of applause

A standing ovation

You look so dumb right now

Standing outside my house

Trying to apologize

You're so ugly when you cry

Please, just cut it out

[Chorus]

Don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not

Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show

You really had me going

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone

You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on

Talkin' about, girl, I love you, you're the one

This just looks like the re-run

Please, what else is on

[Chorus]

And don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not

Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show

You really had me going

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow

And the award for the best liar goes to you

For making me believe that you could be

Faithful to me

Let's hear your speech oh

How about a round of applause

A standing ovation

[Chorus]

But you put on quite a show

You really had me going

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow

But it’s over now

a blog for him...

I don't expect you to read this. But on the off chance that you do, I will not mention names. I had a lot of fun today. Rough housing in the basement, playing Super Smash Bros Brawl and just chilling on the couch, was quite enjoyable for me. I really felt terrible about last night. I don't know what made me mention it to you. I just know that you prefer I tell you what's bothering me rather than you digging it out of me. It really hurt though, getting off the phone. I even cried about it this morning. But when you called me back and told me you still wanted to come, I was really happy. It surprised me when you didn't call her after she sent you that text. It also surprised me that you weren't wearing the bracelet that she got for your birthday. On the one hand, I was happy. I had been waiting for you to do something like that for a while. On the other hand, I felt really bad. I felt like I was being so childish for expecting you to do something like that. I assume you called or texted her either when you got home or when you got to your car.

I'm really vulnerable when it comes to you...I don't know if you realize that.

Despite my efforts to put up walls and try to protect myself, you're still able to break through them with ease. I really don't mean to make you feel like I don't see when you're trying. I know you're trying really hard. I was blinded by jealousy. Like a child, crying for attention when she doesn't get what she wants, I picked fights to get your attention. In a way it was a sign which would let me know you still care about me.

It's been so long since you've written me a love letter. I'd love to receive one once again.

I really hope I never make you regret staying with me. I know I can be a handful. But I look at my parents. My dad doesn't always make my mom happy. In fact, he makes a lot of mistakes. But she forgives him for them and doesn't let them get in the way of their marriage. So, it's okay if you and I make mistakes. What matters is that we don't let those mistakes get in the way of our happiness.

Here's hoping that you still love me and want to be with me.

I love you baby.

blogging for the sake of...blogging

I had written more here before, but unfortunately my laptop overheated and shut down by itself before I had a chance to publish it. However, I am stubborn and I insist on making this entry.
It is almost 2:00 am and instead of sleeping like any normal person would be when they are tired, I have recreated my blog site...using the same name. I can't really help it. I liked the name before. It suited what I had written before. Thoughts and expressions. Okay, really I just wanted to show off my knowledge of simple theory (ok, so I only took Preliminary Rudiments but I still earned First Class Honours with Distinction). I am only remembering now how good it feels to have your thoughts written down, or should say typed out. Though I know this probably won't really be seen by anyone, I still find comfort in putting my feelings and thoughts down on this blog, almost like a journal of sorts. I decided to start blogging again because I felt inspired by a friend of a friend of mine. I came to find out more about her through her blogs. I especially enjoyed her stories about unrequited love. I felt that she wrote very well. Some of her blogs were dark at times but nevertheless, I felt compelled to read more. That kind of sounded stalker-ish. Anyway, I would like to improve my writing skills and so I thought I would practice by blogging. After all, blogging is like telling a story. You have to be aware that no matter what, you are writing for an audience, so you want to make sure you get the right points and ideas across. Otherwise, you will confuse and overwhelm your readers.

I did have an idea for posting another blog, but I am starting to feel exhausted. I suppose I will have much more to write about later.

So long, farewell, Aviderzein, Good night...morning.