a blog for him...

I don't expect you to read this. But on the off chance that you do, I will not mention names. I had a lot of fun today. Rough housing in the basement, playing Super Smash Bros Brawl and just chilling on the couch, was quite enjoyable for me. I really felt terrible about last night. I don't know what made me mention it to you. I just know that you prefer I tell you what's bothering me rather than you digging it out of me. It really hurt though, getting off the phone. I even cried about it this morning. But when you called me back and told me you still wanted to come, I was really happy. It surprised me when you didn't call her after she sent you that text. It also surprised me that you weren't wearing the bracelet that she got for your birthday. On the one hand, I was happy. I had been waiting for you to do something like that for a while. On the other hand, I felt really bad. I felt like I was being so childish for expecting you to do something like that. I assume you called or texted her either when you got home or when you got to your car.

I'm really vulnerable when it comes to you...I don't know if you realize that.

Despite my efforts to put up walls and try to protect myself, you're still able to break through them with ease. I really don't mean to make you feel like I don't see when you're trying. I know you're trying really hard. I was blinded by jealousy. Like a child, crying for attention when she doesn't get what she wants, I picked fights to get your attention. In a way it was a sign which would let me know you still care about me.

It's been so long since you've written me a love letter. I'd love to receive one once again.

I really hope I never make you regret staying with me. I know I can be a handful. But I look at my parents. My dad doesn't always make my mom happy. In fact, he makes a lot of mistakes. But she forgives him for them and doesn't let them get in the way of their marriage. So, it's okay if you and I make mistakes. What matters is that we don't let those mistakes get in the way of our happiness.

Here's hoping that you still love me and want to be with me.

I love you baby.