I feel better today

This is pretty funny. I blog more often than I check Facebook. That is new. It's been a while since I checked any site regularly. I feel better today. I went out and rented movies. One was 27 Dresses and the other was P.S. I Love You. The latter of the two moved me to tears. Within the first 5 minutes of the movie I cried from the lines that Gerard Butler spoke with such passion. [*sigh] It was a scene where he and Hilary Swank's character were fighting and she was telling him to leave if he wanted to. He asked her to tell him what it is that she wanted. He said, "I know what I want, because I have it right here in my hands...I wake up everyday wanting to do the same thing which is to see your face.". Almost instantaneously there were tears in my eyes. His words pulled at my heart. I actually forgot to breathe at that part. The rest of the movie was pretty much the same. His words were full of warmth, compassion and most of all love. The whole movie was really moving, especially towards the end. I cried pretty hard there. What a movie! I think I might actually cry if I watched it again. It was so beautiful.

???

I'm not sure how to describe how I feel. I just I know I am uncertain about some things.
I've never been able to shake this feeling. I've only been able to suspend it, if that makes any sense. The only thing I know is that: I have to stay positive. I have to believe in myself. And I have to continue believing in him. I can't stop when I am so close to happiness.

distractions...

I suddenly had a flash of what my summer will mostly consist of. I will be spending endless hours watching asian dramas. [*gasp] This is it. [*gulp] I have become a drama freak. It's true. It's my drug and I have become a fiend for it. But, why asian dramas you ask? I enjoy watching dramas in a different language because it's fun to learn new languages. Okay, so I might also be reading a lot this summer too. [Sue me =P] Well, I honestly don't really care for porn, like some of my friends seem to be fond of. To put it simply, it's an escape. For a few hours, I forget about the insecurities I have about myself. I don't have to think about the stress I am or will be under soon enough. I don't have to concentrate on my life. I can watch someone else worry about their insecurities. I can empathize with their feelings about love, about life. I can relate to similar situations in my life. But most of all, [and this part is kind of sad] I can live vicariously through the characters on the screen/in the pages. I am angry when bad things happen to good characters. I am excited when characters are infatuated. And I get goosebumps when characters fall in love and portray it so well my heart hurts from the envy. There's something about good-looking people and the things they go through in their lives that just ensnares me and holds me captive, as if I have no choice. Obviously, I'm aware that I do. I just choose to ignore it. =) That aside, as soon as it ends, I'm reminded that it was just a momentary distraction to enable me to procrastinate from coming back to reality. Not that reality is bad at all. Just sometimes, I would prefer to immerse myself in fictional stories about characters who bear similarities to me, but have experienced worse. This way, when I do have to come back from my Neverland, I am also reminded that things could be much worse. Also, I come to be grateful that I am not in those situations which some of the characters I read about get into. That's the great thing about fictional stories. I get to live through these characters without having to experience what they do. But hey, I'm not sadistic. I leave that to Justin. =P [*sigh] Yup, I'm addicted. But it's a hell of a lot better than drugs. Trust me. Although, I do confess to another addiction. It's just, this other addiction is one I'm going to be stuck with for a while. I don't need drug-induced hallucinations when I have him. He's all I need.

Hey, look over there,
It's a distraction!
Just kidding! =P

productive day

Today was pretty productive considering I didn't do much. I was woken up by my sister to go to a mass which was being held at St. Marcellinus for my deceased Aunt. So we went but we were late thanks to my sister. I swear she is the one that woke me up too. Then I went home and slept again. Then I woke up at 11:00 am and fed C.C. - I have to do it or else the poor thing would starve. Then I mostly did laundry the whole day. I also cleaned my room and the bathroom. Yeah, I know I didn't do much but I'm pretty tired. Yay, work tomorrow. Later days.

New change

I felt it was time for a change of the layout. I will add my links list at another time. I think it's time for a change. Lately, I have not made the wisest decisions. I messed up in school, my biggest priority. I couldn't concentrate properly in the second semester. I was not stable during that semester. I really don't like some of the choices I've made within the last few months. I was never this lazy. I really let myself down this year. Sure, I could complain that the courses were pretty tough this semester. But, I could also have put in more effort this semester as well. I want to put it right again. I want to get back on track. I cannot afford to fail again. I miss my friends. It seems like everyone is so busy except for me. I have too much time on my hands. Too much time to reflect on what I've done and wallow in self pity. But it's time for that to stop. I cannot dwell on the past, no matter how stupid/foolish my actions were. I can only change the future ahead of me. I need to find myself some work for the summer. I also need to study hard for my voice exam. That is the one place I can excel the most. I need to get my act together again. I will do it. I know I can. I owe myself that much. I know it sounds weird but I feel like I'm finding myself again. It feels like I'm starting over and I actually feel optimistic about it. I really hope this works out for the best.